| At Year 4–5, many students are just beginning to turn spoken ideas into clear, confident writing. This workshop uses real student work to show how small changes in language can make a big difference on the page.
Our example text comes from Hector Fafra, who won second place in last year’s GREAT KIWI WRITEOFF (Y4 category). Hector had recently arrived from Belgium with no English, and his story gives a vivid snapshot of his life, his love of sport, and his pride in both Belgium and New Zealand. He has kindly given us permission to use his piece as the basis for a Stylefit workshop. Using Hector’s writing, we show students how Parts of Speech shape meaning and style. By experimenting with adjectives, adverbs and verbs, learners can see how their choices move the “pin” on the Stylefit grid—from early-stage writing packed with describing words, to tighter, more purposeful sentences with stronger action. Along the way, they also see how adding or trimming detail can sharpen what they’re really trying to say. This workshop not only celebrates Hector’s achievement, it gives teachers a practical, student-centred way to talk about craft. The aim is simple: help young writers understand how language works, so they can use it more deliberately—and feel proud of the stories they create. |
 |
| The example above has landed above the grid which where many early-stage writing lands. This is because writers think it is important to emphasise their ideas with adverbs and adjectives.
However, lets see what happens if we remove some of the adverbs and adjectives. We don’t want to remove them all because then the piece of writing would not reflect Hector’s enthusiasm for his country. |
 |
| I’m nine-years old. I come from Belgium. It is a However, we can see that by taking out some adjectives like the repeated good and pretty and an adverb really he is now in the descriptive section of Stylefit. More importantly the writing is tighter. Stylefit does not yet help with punctuation. If it did it would encourage him to find a place where a full stop could go. The next paragraph highlights another challenge: He has used a lot of words that describe types of sport but not included a comment about how or why they are important to him. The way to get the pin onto the grid would be to add adverbs. |
 |
| I would normally advise a re-write after a deep think about what he is actually trying to say.
In essence he is saying that he has played a wide range of sports but of them all he has settled for football as his favourite. So, let’s see if we can come up with a sentence that captures that idea. Let’s see how this goes I’ve played sports all my life. I’ve enjoyed almost all them but at the moment I realise that my absolutely favourite sports are ice hockey and football just now. |
 |
| Or add it to another paragraph rather than having it sit on its own.
The next paragraph is in the descriptive area. If I wanted to lower the results and get it closer to the middle which is where persuasive writing would be I would look at adding verbs. |
 |
| That is why I now play for the Bay Olympic U9 A-team. My fabulously fantastic team’s name is “the Phoenix”. I did the try outs a few months ago, and to my surprise, I was in! My coach, Jacob, thinks I’m a really talented defender. Despite this, I would also like to score goals and celebrate with my team, like my favourite striker, one of the best Argentinean players, Paulo Dybala.
The result shows that verbs would help to lower it so we added: … and after the trials when I scored a try by dodging around the top player in our opponent’s team, And here it is. |
 |
| This extra bit of information also explains what he did to get into the team. It uses verbs like dodging and scored and these help to add more action to the paragraph.
Overall, Hector’s story gives the reader insight into his life and successfully compares his life in New Zealand with that of Belgium. The reader is also impressed by his achievements. Well done, Hector! We hope these resources give young writers more support and confidence. With the right examples, a bit of structure, and plenty of encouragement, they can see their writing grow stronger—and feel proud of the stories only they can tell. |
